my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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