I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
