so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
