oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
