I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
