she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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