I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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