Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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