I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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