I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
