i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
How naked do you want me to be?
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