I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
