Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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