Rock
Scissors
Fuck
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Barsexuality is the new black.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
