The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
we're so committed to being not committed
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
