Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
