I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
