Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
