I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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