Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Liz is crying about burritos again.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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