I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
