Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
