Will you blow on my dice?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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