How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
