Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
