Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
