once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
