I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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