Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
