Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I had to cum in my sink.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
