I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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