He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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