Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Boobs speak an international language.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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