Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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