I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
