I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
