I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
