My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I want a musical about memes.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
