Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
