I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
