tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
