and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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