Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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