I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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