Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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