So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
