They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
