That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize