so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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