I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize