8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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