That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize