come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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