did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
