He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
