I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
