Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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