i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
