I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
