Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
No subtext here. People are naked.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
