the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
