he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
