thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
