just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
