I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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