Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
