Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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