Well apparently he's into motor boating.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I will pee on everything he values.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
