i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
