Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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