Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize