Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
