oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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