u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize