just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We left an ass print on the piano.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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